Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My Face On a Poker Table


(Note: If you wanna skip the boring stuff and find out my different face-on-table options and where you guys come into play, head to the subsection appropriately titled, "Here's Where YOU Come In.")

So, I went to a Search Engine Optimization (SEO) conference called PubCon for work a few weeks back, and during the lunch break, a guy at the table I was sitting at was talking to someone else about an invitational poker tournament for attendees. This obviously piqued my interest, because I figured it would be a soft field full of people from this conference who simply wanted to have some fun and play a poker tournament while they were in Vegas. I got the URL to the Web site giving all of the details regarding the event, and it sounded pretty damn awesome. Here were the details:

  • $170 buy-in, which goes into a normal prize pool (everything else below is added value)
  • A $2,000 custom poker table for the winner (courtesy of CustomPokerTables.com)
  • Complimentary two-night stay at the Mirage for the winner
  • 25 free Chipotle burrito coupons for the winner
  • Open bar throughout the event
  • Free Chipotle burrito for top 50
  • A bunch of other free stuff, including shirts, decks of cards, and a meal if you lasted long enough
  • And, of course, you get to network with a bunch of other SEOs, which is good professionally.

The first-place prize was likely to be around $3,500 in addition to the added prizes. So, lots of cash, a ridiculously awesome custom poker table, free hotel-stay for my parents when they come to visit, and 25 free meals at Chipotle -- a place I eat nearly every day, anyway -- all sounded pretty fucking sweet.

Long story short for you non-poker people, 84 players entered, and I wound up taking it down.

Here's Where YOU Come In


So, here's where I need your guys' help. I won that freakin' sweet custom poker table, and now I need to figure out what to put on it. I can put whatever I want on the felt, and I need suggestions and/or artistic submissions. I want it to look awesome.

Nearly everyone I've asked so far has told me I should put my own face on the poker table -- no joke. Considering I have a T-shirt with my own face on it, I suppose that wasn't such a ridiculous suggestion.

If I put my own face on it, though, I still want it to look classy, so I came up with a few ideas. First, what's classier than the fucking ceiling of the Sistine Chapel? So, BAM, my face on Adam's body. (Note: apparently people had small penises -- or however you pluralize penis -- in Michelangelo's time, so that general area would have to be expanded to reflect actual sizing.) But if I were really being egotistical, I couldn't not be God in that painting, too, so ... BAM, Shawn is God, as well. (Apparently God has a harem of hot angel babes, according to Michelangelo. Fine by me.)



The other option I thought of was something I've always wanted. I want a portrait done of me sitting in a fancy chair in the awesome-looking library of a sweet-ass mansion, and I'm wearing a red velvet robe (not pictured) and a monocle, smoking a bubble pipe, and reading a dictionary. Classy. Super classy.



Of course, if you have any cool non-my-face ideas, those are entirely welcome, as well. I just want a cool-looking poker table.

- Shawn

Poker Table Felt Design Requirements

  • 300dpi
  • TIFF file
Set to actual size of the cloth:
  • Actual Playing Surface Size: 73in x 23in
  • Size with standard 2" Bleed Around Artwork Area: 77in x 27in

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